We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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