Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's like heaven, but drunker
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
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