I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do vagina's smell?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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