Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
