if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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