Please, let me fuck your mom
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
