Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
