I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
