i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
