It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
