right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
