Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
