my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
