Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
