Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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