i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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