I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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