My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
