brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
