Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
