Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
