Say something about gay babies.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
