Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
