I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
