My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
