I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
