I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
