There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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