Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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