Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
