so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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