I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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