How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
