i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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