Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
