he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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