The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
