five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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