Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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