Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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