what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
