white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dicks are not precious.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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