Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
