If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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