Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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