I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
