I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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