it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
