there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
