if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
